Hindrance
by crimsonNyxx
Summary: Short TsukiKana


"Master Shuu?" Kanae reluctantly allowed the room to plunge into silence and placed his violin on top of an elegantly decorated dresser, his head dipping as he gazed down towards its polished surface with his eyebrows knitted together. He paused as if expecting a reply from the ghoul who laid in the bed behind him but took a quiet intake of breath when none came. "May we play together again? I did enjoy it."

The piano, usually occupied by his master, stood abandoned in the other room through opened doors, touched only when Kanae dusted it each evening. The bedroom was as still and lifeless as it often was, although an assortment of flowers, blooming with vibrant reds, yellows and pinks, sat in decorative pots and on a ledge outside the largest window. The bed was quite obviously the most prominent feature, taking up a large portion of space but shrouded by curtains that were drawn on one side in order to shield the ghoul's eyes from the morning sunlight. The songs of birds and the distant murmuring of the mansion's other occupants drifted subtly through the scene. It would be calming, if it wasn't for the lingering sadness that hung heavily, making its home both deep inside Shuu Tsukiyama as he laid almost lifelessly in the bed and in Kanae's chest where it seemed to clog his lungs endlessly.

A minute or two did pass before Kanae's rare request was processed. Shuu moved his head to look towards the younger man, his deep eyes barely open, bloodshot and cloaked by dark shadows due to his lack of sleep. His skin stretched, seemingly paper-thin and sickly, over his cheekbones, making them stick out harshly to create horribly thin features. His hair was far from its usual perfectly styled and well maintained state and was instead dishevelled despite the fact Kanae had cut it for him days earlier in hope of lifting his mood and upholding his well-presented past self. Shuu made an odd face. What emotion his master was trying to convey was a mystery to Kanae, though he hoped it was a smile rather than a grimace. "Not today… I don't feel up to it." His voice was barely a whisper, clipped by the occasional croak. This certainly wasn't the man Kanae knew, though he would always hang onto the thought that this depression would pass, he would get better soon, and therefore the servant met the words with a nod, his gaze still not parting from the top of the dresser. "Very well." The request he had made was a frequent one and the fact each time it had come up, it had been declined was ignored, perhaps stupidly, but Kanae simply didn't care for what he was told by the other servants or by Shuu's father. He was convinced that with the same care he was carrying out, things would improve.

Kanae made himself busy by opening a large window. His mind wandered; he considered what went through Shuu's head while he laid there, staring at the ceiling mindlessly, and he wondered whether the sweet scent of the flowers, the distant voices, the violin songs Kanae played for him or the comforting words and recollections that he sometimes mumbled even entered his thoughts. At times, their interactions resembled him speaking to a corpse, though he didn't want to tolerate that assumption and pushed it out of his mind as soon as it entered. The heavy sensation in the pit of his stomach wouldn't leave, now sitting on the window ledge as he gazed across the empty garden. Such beautiful scenery, even the rose garden was visible.

Shuu spoke again then, at which point Kanae turned to realize the other's eyes were focused on him, his head lifted and shaking as if he was struggling to keep it off the pillow. Had he been watching him? "Kanae, come here."

The servant stood up and made his way slowly to Shuu's side, sitting down in a chair that stood at his bedside. "What is it, master Shuu?" He inquired slowly, frowning as he looked at the other, internally hoping the struggled position put him in no pain.

"I want to… Thank you." He paused. "You have done a lot for me in my time of need."  
Kanae stared at him, taken aback. He had not received thanks for his efforts, assuming they were what was expected of him and considering them a duty. For some reason, the words were so rare they felt like a farewell. "There's no need to thank me." He said, slightly flustered.  
Shuu's head laid back on the pillow, eyes still locked with Kanae's. "You are the only one who appears to care so much. It's… Nice." The words were all he seemed to manage, although the man was struggling to think of any more with such a scrambled mind.  
"I simply want you to recover."  
"No… You care."  
The words were, of course, true, but Kanae often denied them and displayed his actions as part of his job. Before he responded, Shuu continued to speak.  
"There's no need for such _aptness_ in your actions. So thank you, Kanae."  
Kanae stared at the face of his master, glancing at his thin, weakened arms with the despondency beginning to descend. However, this sorrow seemed warm. A happiness mixed oddly with sadness that came from Shuu's presence alone, and nothing else. His hand reached out to grab the other's gently as he was sure the frail man would break. "I am by your side and I'm grateful to you. Even after you recover."  
"I recover…" Tsukiyama repeated Kanae's words slowly in a monotonous voice, his stagnated gaze returning to the ceiling, eyes half-lidded.  
In that moment, Kanae was sure he knew what occurred in his master's mind. All that time spent wondering came together with a single thought that somewhat infuriated him. Ken Kaneki. Each drift of his master's eyes, each time his face glazed over in thought, each time he entered his own world of internal images and fantasies. It was him. The half-ghoul Kanae had been forced to hear about for months, though his interest did not falter with any story Shuu thrust upon him; he had been intrigued until that point. Shuu's state was not improving, and the only place for that blame to go was towards this mystery person. Although Kanae knew very well that he desired Shuu's affection, he never made it obvious, but that wouldn't stop him from resenting this Ken Kaneki for encapsulating Shuu in his place. A sudden rage boiled up inside him, setting the heavy sadness in his chest ablaze, causing him to see red. The adrenaline that came with it made him shift in his seat before he did something on impulse. The hand that rested upon the other's moved quickly to his face, swiftly but with a slight bit of force, and guided the man's face towards his as he leaned down and pressed his lips against the other's.

It was a situation that Kanae never expected to find himself in. His thoughts were nothing more than hazed white noise in the back of his skull, his breathing quickening in utter surprise when he actually felt the other respond and return the kiss seconds later. He felt a weak touch on his cheek, cool fingers brushing smoothly against his skin, cold lips moving against his. His rage melted, replaced by nervousness, bewilderment, though neither of those things stopped his endeavour. It wasn't a warm kiss nor a hurried one. There was no immediate passion from Tsukiyama, causing Kanae to realize that this embrace was instead filled with their shared sadness rather than an exchange of lust. Before he could detect what he was truly feeling, Kanae felt tears welling up in his eyes, warm streaks travelling down his cheeks and over the other's hand while they kissed. He simply knew the other would be thinking of Kaneki, for why on Earth would he have any desire for this action to continue?

They separated. Kanae straightened up, his arm rising to wipe at his damp face. "I'm sorry." He exclaimed at once, but Shuu simply stared at him, his hand slowly lowering. " _Verzeihung_ …" Kanae almost spluttered the word incoherently, but caught himself. He shifted in his chair, tugging at his dampened sleeve.

The pause was long, though a long exhale exited Shuu's mouth before he spoke. "Don't cry…" He looked bewildered, though his gaze was glazed and feeble again. Kanae realized that, in his state, the man probably barely knew what he was doing. With a shake of his head, he stood up and left the room without another word.


End file.
